Spiritual Knee

I love to ski. It's one of the ways I connect with the highest truth and the deepest love -- I feel the oneness of everything when I'm floating downhill with those long flat things stuck to my feet. Songs of the universe pass through my head and the sky opens up to let the energies of the heavens connect with those of the earth. In the days when I had a partner who shared skiing with me, a day on the slopes generally served as the best appetizer for an evening of high-powered love. Both the skiing and the lovemaking are/were spiritual practices for me.

So now this year, I come to a time when my right knee has enough arthritis in it to provoke a flareup. At first, I didn't know what it was. I spent weeks contemplating life with a sore knee. I limped up and down stairs. I couldn't do yoga. I couldn't take long walks. I couldn't ski. It was awful. "So this is how it feels to be in your 80's," I thought. I was so unhappy. I'm quite a few years away from being in my 80's, not at all ready to go there. Though many people my age have real physical limitations. I thought of them and felt grateful. Acceptance, I thought. That's the spiritual practice for this knee. And it was.

But non-acceptance was also a worthwhile practice. I went to the doctor and accepted a shot of cortisone and a prescription for anti-inflammatory pills. I took my friends' advice and started taking glocosamine. Finally, after weeks and weeks of one thing and another, I can dance and I can ski.

First, it was dancing. I go contradancing, which although it is quite energetic, is always done in places where you can stop and go home with very little trouble. Somebody told me to get new shoes with less resistance to turning. I did, and it was great! Then, I went for an afternoon to a smoothly groomed, pretty boring ski place. I got cold from not exercising enough while heading down hill, but my knee came through beautifully.

I paid attention to my knee. I let it tell me what to do. And it did. One step after another became clear as I paid attention to what it said.

So my spiritual practice of accepting the truth and paying attention to my knee has led me from despair to readjustment. Maybe I'll never ski aggressively again, or maybe I will. I'll pay attention and not just make up some story about what's going to happen. I will be guided in the way that works. After all, It's my spiritual knee that will take me to where I need to go.